Category Archives: I think too much

At the End of the Day

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Today is the final day of the blogging challenge. I am glad.

What I have learned from blogging for 30 consecutive days will not become clear until later. That’s my pattern. It takes a while for things to percolate in my brain before I can form conclusions.

The statistical data is immediately apparent, however. Out of the 30 posts in 30 days, my most read post was How To Be Thin.

I can wax poetic all day long about art, family, travel, God and any number of other topics, but at the end of the day, if I want readers … if I want friends and followers … I’ll write about how to be thin.

Thank you, FLX/WordCount 2014 Blogathon; there is much to think about.

full sails

 

 

The Blogging Challenge

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A challenge is a good thing. It changes up the routine. It forces emphasis in specific areas while other areas are neglected. In a rosy world, all challenges would be short-lived; self-imposed and only for personal growth. Unfortunately that’s not the kind of challenge a large percentage of the world’s population have the luxury of experiencing. Their challenges are more dire – poverty, hunger, loss, despair, victimization – the kinds of challenges most of us can’t fathom. On that note I laugh at myself as I look back on the daily blogging challenge that is about to come to an end. How grateful I am that this is my only challenge.

Japanese garden Gibbs Garden

 

 

Day 19

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The blogging challenge is challenging but not impossible. It’s not impossible to find something to make a comment about for 30 days in a row. But today is only day 19. There is still time for me to drop the ball.

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On day 19, however, that’s not my concern. My concern is this – can I conquer the fear that constantly dogs me.

This blog, up ’til now, has been a place for me to put into words the thoughts that swirl in my mind and my observations about stuff that happens in our world. That’s it. I offer no expertise on any topic. I can’t help anybody lose 20 pounds in 10 days. I can’t help anybody get rich in 5 easy steps. I can’t help anybody get published. I can’t help anybody find inner peace through spiritual advice. I can’t wax poetic about anything political. All I do is share what I’m thinking. But it is with much trepidation every time I share.

Here, at day 19, I either have to get over this block, this fear of sharing what I’m thinking, or find another blog format. I’m a good cook. I could blog about food. I used to be a great gardener. I could blog about plants.

There was a time when I wasn’t scared of much. I’d launch into projects and projects would turn into businesses and all heck would break lose, in a good way, but I was never afraid. The only thing on the line then was money. I’ve never been afraid of losing money or any thing.

So what’s on the line now? When I was a youngster I must have been a hellion because my daddy would look at me in exasperation and say, “What will people think?”

Is that what I’m afraid of ? How do I get past the fear of what people will think about what I’m thinking?

 

 

 

 

Just Thinking …

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There is something like a bubble, a time of limbo, for families who have lost someone close. The time between the death of that person and a funeral sort of stands still. Much is going on, for sure, as plans have to be made and friends and family have to be notified. But it’s sort of surreal for those closest to the departed. Our lives stand still, on the inside, and we wonder how everyone else in the world keeps going about their business when our world has just changed forever.

My elderly aunt has died peacefully. My uncle died almost a year ago to the day, in the same hospice facility as she. My cousins were with each of them when they passed on. He became ill and died rather quickly. She took her time. The meanest of diseases, Alzheimers, had taken her recollection of her children a decade ago.

The loss of a child or younger person brings a kind of life-raping grief that I can’t imagine is ever consolable. My aunt’s slow and steady passing still leaves her family grieving, for sure. But they can be consoled, she had a long life, and for a few days they’re in this bubble – the in between time – until there is closure.

Go Ye Therefore and Like, Share … Repeat!

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I can’t figure out how to write this blog without echoing a blog I wrote earlier in the summer. Writing “Why do We Share?” helped me get a grip on the grip social media has on most of the world. It helped me sift through my thoughts as I wrestled with “how much do I want to share?” as well as, “how much do I really want to be privy to what other people are sharing?” I’ve gotten past my fears of “friending” and my uncertainty of “sharing.” I think it’s a good thing. So maybe this is “part two.”

Back when I was a little girl I was dragged to church six or eight times a week – minimum. Between the numerous programs for children of which I was always a part and the times I spent “in the nursery” (read, loosely supervised childcare) while my mother was at her adult programs, most of my childhood memories have church as the backdrop. So it was bound to happen that I’d actually remember some of the stuff taught by all-too-patient Sunday school teachers. Number one on the list of mandated Bible verse memorization was, “Be ye kind, one to another”.

It’s not a far stretch to try to imagine why. I can recall a Sunday school teacher who had HAD IT with a bunch of rambunctious tykes. It was her “go-to” threat … “Be ye kind, you hear? I said, Be … ye … kind!” I can’t even remember what book of the bible that comes from but I sure as heck remember that I better be kind.

After we got the gist of that one, the next verse to memorize was, “Go ye therefore into all nations and spread the gospel.” I know this is from the book of Matthew because I just looked it up on Wikipedia. This verse is so important that it got its own a tagline, The Great Commission. As well as I remember, this is what Jesus told his disciples: take what I have taught you, go into the farthest places of the earth and share it. And so they did. And the rest is history.

And look where we are now. With a couple of clicks we have the power to exponentially spread good news like never before!  Whether it be the good news of the gospel or a groovy gravy recipe. What an opportunity!

If we “like”, we affirm. If we “share”, we spread what we affirm. Here we have the directive of The Great Commission in the age of social media. I think Jesus would be down with that.

I Don’t Want to Bother God

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I don’t want to bother God. I figure He has enough on his plate.

I generally ask God to be on the lookout for the safety and happiness of my sons, the joy and contentment of my husband and calm and peace for my aging parents. But rarely do I bother God about me, the possibility of personal growth and what I might want. I’m content just knowing the people closest to me are happy and well.

As for the rest of the world and its inhabitants, boy, does God have a lot to keep him busy. Why should I be one more voice adding to the pandemonium? The nuts in the Middle East alone would be enough for Him to tear his hair out. Of course, He was responsible for starting that whole ball of wax to begin with. I wonder if He ever imagined that those two brats born to Abraham would spin off countries that continue to despise each other 4000 years later.

And then there are victims of famine and poverty through no fault of their own other than having been born. And victims of malicious governments. And victims of natural disaster. And victims of disease and addiction. And victims of their own undoing. Not to mention people out there who are just truly evil.

With all the pain and suffering in the world I just hate to bother God about me. It seems selfish. After all, I’m doing just fine. I thank Him ceaselessly for family and job security and a thousand other things, but I don’t feel right asking for anything – any thing or any situation that I think might make me happier. I’m pretty happy.

But it occurred to me that God might want me to ask him for stuff. Lord knows (ha!) I don’t want anymore stuff. But I guess I mean stuff in the figurative sense. I have some gifts that probably need to be cultivated a little more. God given gifts. So if God has gifted me these gifts and I’m not totally sure on how to use these gifts, maybe I should bother God and ask him.

This notion I have of not bothering God, maybe, is not rational thinking. Or maybe it’s too much thinking. This God who created the universe and the world and all its creatures has single-handedly handled time as we know it, and infinity before that. Maybe he can handle me and it wouldn’t be an imposition.

Maybe it’s wrong not to bother God. He’s put us where we are for a limited length of time, for some reason. The first question in the children’s catechism within the protestant denomination is, “What is the chief end of man?” The answer that’s been stamped onto little brains can be regurgitated back with a roll of the eyes and in one long breath, “The chief end of man is to glorify God and enjoy him forever.”

So, am I glorifying God by not bothering him?  Am I glorifying God by not asking him to help me out with those gifts he gave me? Do I really feel he has enough on his plate?

I guess I have underestimated God. I doubt he is enjoying that.